This post is for anyone who feels both a desire to please others and a frustration when they can’t.

On Saturday morning, I asked God to help me be consumed with pleasing Him instead of others.
But then I thought, “Wait. That doesn’t sound right. Shouldn’t I want to please others?”

Doesn’t it seem like the nice thing to do to want to make other people happy by my actions?
And if someone is unhappy with my actions, shouldn’t I do something to change that?

Should I?

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When I face a question like this and don’t know the answer, I always think through these two things:

1. What does the Bible say about this?
2. What did Jesus do?

 

So what does the Bible say about pleasing people?

Nothing.
But it does say to love others, serve them, and treat them as better than ourselves. This phrase from Galatians 5 instantly popped in my head:

“through love serve one another.”

Notice it doesn’t say to please one another, but serve. There’s a big difference.

See, pleasing someone else is dependent on their emotions. They have to feel pleased in order for me to succeed in my goal. And let me tell you something—tuck this little piece of advice in your back pocket for the rest of your life—some people will not be pleased. I mean, never. There’s nothing you can do to please them because they always want more, better, and different.

So basically, if your goal is to please people, you might as well chalk it up as a failed, incomplete goal, you know what I mean? Because people (and I mean ME!) are always changing along with their expectations. So don’t try to please me—or anyone else—because you literally cannot succeed.

But you know what you can do? You can serve others in love.

Here’s the distinction:
Serving can look like pleasing people. (Sometimes people are pleased when we serve them!)
But serving is not focused on making someone happy, but on loving them and doing what is best.

How do you know what’s best for others?
This is a great time to look at our second question:

 

What did Jesus do?

So what did He do? Did He try to please people? Consider his parents, the religious and political leaders of the day, his disciples, and the crowds that followed him. Was His goal to please them?

John 8:29 pops into my mind:

“I always do the things that please the Father.”

Christ’s goal was not pleasing those around Him, but pleasing God. He was focused on delighting in God and making Him happy. Sometimes this goal made others happy, such as when he healed those with diseases, filled hungry stomachs, and turned water into wine. But many times Christ’s mission enraged those around Him—so much that they eventually killed him.

If I want to be like Christ, my goal cannot be pleasing people but serving them.
If I want to be like Christ, my goal cannot be pleasing others but pleasing my Father in heaven.

This conversation really comes down to denying myself, doesn’t it? I love myself and want others to love me too!
And God says, “No. Love me. Please me. Love and serve those around you without worrying about their thoughts about you.”

This week, when you face a situation in which someone is displeased with you, take a minute to prayerfully think:

How can I love and serve this person in a way that pleases God?

You cannot please other people. But you can please God.
And when it comes down to it, His opinion is the only one that matters.