Last week, I told you that my husband passed the oral defense of his dissertation—the culmination of a major, 4-year-long journey and a huge answer to prayer. The 24 hours that followed his passing held some major struggles for me.

Here’s the story of my breakdown & God’s build-up…

 

“I passed.”

I entertained approximately 30 minutes of joy and thankfulness. And then it hit:

God had called us to walk through the past years of schooling (with the side effects of a pressured schedule and financial uncertainty), but we’re coming to the end of that season. Maybe normal people would be like, “Yeah! Praise the Lord! We’re finished!”

But I was like,
“Ohhhhh, no. what is God going to have us do next??”

By the following afternoon, my stomach was in knots. When Jonathan asked me how I was doing, I responded (in tears) that I was worried about all the hard things God might ask us to do now that we were coming to the end of this degree.

Of course, I knew in my head that it was ridiculous for me to be worried about the future after we had just seen God kindly lead us over the last years. But my stomach was still in knots.

Later that day, I prayed and asked the Lord to help me trust Him with the hard things He was going to give us. As I prayed, it was as if the Lord asked me, “What hard things?” You’re worried because you’re trying to live in the future.”

The Holy Spirit immediately brought this verse to mind:
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34)

Basically, God was all, “Hey, here’s a massive answer to the past 1,460+ days of work, sweat, prayers, and tears.”
And I was all, “Yeah? But what about tomorrow??”

Bottom line?
I let worry steal my joy.

When I should have been basking in God’s incredible kindness to lead my family through uncertainty, instead I was sending myself into panic mode as I imagined all the hard things that could take place. When I should have trusted in the promises of God seen in the Bible and evidenced in my life, I chose to live in a place of worry, believing my fears instead of God’s Word.

I’ve felt really sympathetic to the Israelites this week. You remember how God led them away from Pharoah after years of captivity and then they freak out when they realize they don’t have food and water? Sometimes I hear people say they can’t imagine how the Israelites could doubt God after seeing the Red Sea split wide open. But I feel like the Israelites and I are on the exact same page. Their heart is just like mine: prone to unbelief and worry.

I prayed again. “God, I am sick with worry. I know you’ll walk with us in the future just like you’ve walked with us in the past. Help me to live in what you’ve given me today and trust you each step of the way.”

And then I asked God to help me be joyful in Him and give thanks for all He’s done.

It’s a classic example of always reaching for the next big thing, isn’t it? I struggle to live right where God has me, in the very moments of today. I often find myself rejecting the gifts and grace God has given for today in favor of worry or excitement over tomorrow.

So here I am again. Realizing the error of my way and running back to the forgiving, capable arms of my Father.

Is there something you’re worried about today?
Take it to Jesus.

Don’t let worry steal your joy.

 

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