Several months ago, I asked God for humility.
I knew the risks associated with such a request. It’s like praying for patience—the way to increase it is by being placed in uncomfortable situations where you have to wait (and wait and wait). So I fully expected to experience some scenarios that were uncomfortable to my pride. Indeed, God delivered. They weren’t major events—nothing like being called out in front of thousands of people or anything even remotely close to that. Instead, they were small things that the Holy Spirit revealed:
- Inward responses of annoyance and anger when I wasn’t praised like I thought I should be
- Words that may have sounded innocuous to others, but the Spirit knew better
- Actions I took to point people’s eyes to me
But while I expected and foresaw the risks of praying for humility, I didn’t anticipate the blessings.
There have been two blessings in particular:
1. A greater awareness of my pride
2. A closer relationship with my Heavenly Father.
A Greater Awareness of My Pride
When my husband and I moved into our current home, we noticed an unusual plant appearing at the side of our woods. Thinking it might be a perennial from the previous owners, we let it grow. A while later, a friend came over and pointed it out as an aggressive plant known as Japanese knotweed. Once we discovered how destructive and pervasive this weed was, we began attacking it with vengeance. We also began noticing it on the side of the road and on other people’s properties. Once we saw it for what it was, we couldn’t unsee it.
It’s like that with pride too. Once I began to scratch the surface of my hidden quest to build my own kingdom, I couldn’t unsee it. In fact, I started seeing it everywhere tainting every relationship. This is an unexpected blessing. Until I knew the Japanese knotweed was harming my property, I made no effort to get rid of it. And until the Spirit opened my eyes to see pride lurking in my heart, masquerading as noble traits, I made no effort to pray and fight against it. I thought I knew a fair extent of the pride in my heart, but once I started making it a matter of prayer, the Spirit opened my eyes to see pride popping up all over the place in my thoughts, words, and actions.
When a relational difficulty comes up, God is giving me a greater awareness of how my personal pride is affecting my thinking, words, and actions. For example, did you know that it takes a great deal of humility to apologize and admit you are wrong without pointing out someone else’s shortcomings as well? Yikes; it takes a lot. In fact, I would go so far as to say that sometimes it feels like dying. I’m pretty sure that’s an accurate assessment of the situation because Jesus said it first:
“Jesus told his disciples,
“If anyone would come after me,
let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”
—Matthew 16:24
There are some things that are worth losing even though it’s painful; the sort of pride that puts me, my needs, and my opinions above everyone else’s is one of those things that is not only worth losing but will eventually destroy both me and everyone I love.
The irony of the situation is that I tend to think real living happens when I’m exalted and all my desires are fulfilled. Jesus says real living comes when I give up everything in order to follow Him.
“Whoever wants to save their life will lose it,
but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”
—Matthew 16:25-26
A Closer Relationship with My Father
When I was a kid, I remember being in conversations with people who were older than me. We’d be talking away when suddenly they would burst out laughing about something I didn’t understand. When I questioned them about it, they responded, “Oh, it’s an inside joke.” At this point, I discovered the best approach was to just walk away slowly, pretending I actually wanted to leave anyway and it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that I apparently wasn’t old enough or cool enough to be let in on their little joke.
Childhood drama aside, I’ve experienced these sorts of “inside jokes” with God. (Not that I go off and laugh maniacally when I’m in a conversation with other people.) But there are times when I am put in humbling circumstances and I just inwardly look up to God and am like, “Yep, I see what you’re doing here… I don’t like it, but I need it, so thanks.” I love having these conversations with Him because it helps me deal with the humbling situation as a trusting child rather than someone who has to prove her own worth.
As I’ve prayed for humility, God has drawn me closer to Him as my Father who knows me intimately, has the power to answer my prayers, and loves me enough to bring just the exact circumstances into my life that will lessen my pride and increase my humility. Who knows me better than Jesus? Nobody! Who wants me to become more humble? I mean, probably everybody, but the answer I’m going for here is God. As much as I desire to evidence the same humility that Christ portrayed when he came to earth as a human and died as a criminal, God wants me to evidence it even more. He’s the One who made me alive to the sin of pride, who’s giving me the desire to change, and who will strengthen me to fight off my thoughts, words, and actions of pride. And the more I realize all the work He and I are doing together, the more I love and worship Him for it.
The Blessings Outweigh the Risks
Yes, there are risks associated with praying for humility. There’s the risk of losing yourself, of dying to your desires.
But the benefits and blessings far outweigh any risks you’ll encounter. The blessings of having your sin exposed for what it really is and experiencing the grace and goodness of your heavenly Father who loves you too much to leave you the same. Glory to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! There is no God like my God.
“Who else could rescue me from my failings?
Who else would offer His only Son?
Who else invites me to call Him Father?
Only a Holy God.
Only my Holy God!”
—Cityalight
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