Thanksgiving.

And for the last month, my facebook feed has exploded with statuses about giving thanks.

I like to take the weeks before thanksgiving and use it to reflect on the past year: blessings the Lord has given as well as hard times He’s helped me through. I like to list it all out.

This year, though, I’ve had a harder time with that. Because reflecting on 2013 has brought up painful things.

Please don’t misunderstand: I have a lot to be grateful for. There are many, many things in my life that are sheer blessings. Like my husband, children, church, etc. But there are also memories of tough things God has brought into my life. You have them too, don’t you?

Memories of things you thought you had dealt with, but they still have a way of bringing pain to your heart & tears to your eyes.

What do you do with those memories? How do you deal? Just shove it to the back of your mind and try not to bring it up again?

A while ago, I wrote a post about giving thanks for everything. It’s how I try to deal. By attempting to give thanks even when I don’t understand. And trusting that God is doing something wonderful.

For the times I don’t feel thankful, I tell that to God too.

I tell Him I’m trying, but it hurts.
And I want to, but I don’t know how. And maybe that’s because deep, deep down, I really don’t want to. He knows it all already. But I find healing in telling Him.

This year, I’ve decided to list it all out – the good, bad, and ugly – even though I can’t quite see the good in everything. After all, aren’t we supposed to live by faith, not by sight?

And I’m choosing to give thanks – even though I might not feel thankful for all of it. Because that’s what God tells me to do. And I’m trusting Him that there’s blessing in obedience. Especially when I don’t understand.

What are you thankful for this year?