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  • Day 20 :: Auto Pilot

    The past few days have been all about dating your spouse. If you’ve missed them, you might want to “brush up” on your skills by reading them! (Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday)

    Today’s advice is perfect in preparation for Saturday’s Dating Party post:

    “Denise and I have never stopped dating.
    We even went out on a date when one of our girls was 3 weeks old.
    Many times our dates never cost a penny or were very inexpensive.
    For example, we would sit in the living room,
    have a candlelit dinner at the coffee table while listening to romantic music, then play a game of “Take Two.”
    Many times for lunch we meet at the shelter by Boone Lake, eat a light lunch,
    and then sit on a blanket in the grass and watch the boats go by.
    Another fun date in the cool seasons of the year is to sit on our deck swing, watch a movie on the computer and eat popcorn while we are all wrapped up in a blanket under the stars!
    Sometimes we just take a drive in the country, stop for ice cream or just “window shop.”
    One other extremely important ingredient is to work on your marriage everyday.
    It doesn’t run well on auto-pilot!”

    ~ from Dale, married 30 years

    Did you catch that? Marriage doesn’t run well on auto-pilot. Marriage is not a relationship you can just leave alone for 2 weeks, then expect to pick up where you left off. It is a constant, day in & day out job. (Although “job” makes it sound dull and boring but…you know what I mean.) 😉 You must be intentional in your marriage if you are hoping to build it!

    What have you done – intentionally – for your marriage today?

     

     

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  • Help!

    Help!

    After today’s post, Betsy left this comment:

     

    This is such a great reminder. Right now, in our stage in life, things are so crazy. My husband is in his last semester of college and in a show. He has rehearsals nearly every night. I’m a substitute teacher/tutor. He gets home very late, I’m awake very early. Yesterday I had to stay up to see him, but he had a lot of homework, so we only sat with each other for about 10 minutes and talked.

    What can we do in this season of life?

     

    I know there are many of you who have been through (or are currently going through!) a situation like this.

    What tips do you have for Betsy?

    (If you are reading this via email or reader, click here to be directed to my blog so you can leave a comment for Betsy!)

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 19 :: Day In – Day Out

    Spending special time together each day is crucial for every married couple.
    But it’s not always (um…is it ever??) possible to have a night out every. day. of. the. week.
    That’s where this advice from Mary is so helpful:

     

    “Having two kids ages 15 and 12 makes for a very busy life,
    especially since we homeschool *and* have very active children.
    Hubs gets home from a long workday around 6:00 p.m.
    I try to keep things calm and quiet for the first half hour while he acclimates from a very orderly work environment
    back to our home environment 🙂
    During that thirty minutes, we go to the computer and pull up the crossword puzzle for the day.
    I know we’re nerds, but we love spending this kind of time together.
    The fun of the daily puzzle is that you’re timed, so of course our goal each day is to shorten our previous times.
    Sometimes we know most of the words and we can work the puzzle in five or six minutes.
    Sometimes, the puzzle is a bear and it can take up to ten minutes – at which point we laugh so hard at ourselves.
    Afterward, we’re ready to get into the evening routine of dinner, more homeschool (he teaches math for me), and getting ready for the next day.”
    ~ Mary, married 19 years
    Bingo!! Thank you, Mary! Dating doesn’t have to = husband + wife + candlelight + large dinner bill. In fact, just the other night my hubby and I sat on the couch together, drank some hot tea (that a dear lady at church gave us), and talked for 15 minutes.
    Cost = $0.
    But it was awesome to have time just to sit and reconnect with him.
    How do you date your spouse – day in and day out?
    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!
  • Day 18 :: Making Time

    Day 18 :: Making Time

    Recently, my husband and I were able to sit down with a man who knows his stuff. Especially when talking about marriage and family.

    After raising 5 kids through 40 years of marriage, he and his wife have had quite a few experiences in navigating through different seasons of life.

    I asked him what the greatest helps were for building his marriage. He had 2 thoughts:

    1. Praying together

    He and his wife made it a habit from their first day of marriage to pray together every night. There are a couple benefits to this. First, you get to know the burdens of your spouse’s heart as they pour them out to the Lord. Second, it’s pretty difficult to pray with someone when you’re angry with them. 🙂 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26)

    2. Taking trips together

    Alright, this is when I knew he really knew his stuff. 😉

    This couple makes it a habit to take regular trips together…just the 2 of them. They didn’t have to be long or expensive, they just had to involve
    the husband
    + wife
    – children.

    He mentioned that this was especially important for his wife when they had 5 small children running around the house. (Can I hear an “amen” from all you Moms with small children???) 😛

    ~ Matt, married 40 years

    So that’s it, folks. That’s all it took for me to know he knew what he was talking about. 😉 By the way, he co-authored this book. It’s not about marriage, but it’s a great read anyway. Highly recommend.

    Until tomorrow…go date your spouse!

    (Don’t forget about our list of dating ideas on Saturday!! I would love for you to add some of your faves in the comments!)

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 17 :: Got 30 minutes?

    Day 17 :: Got 30 minutes?

    Welcome to week 3 of our 31 Days Series!

     

    Much of the advice I received from “seasoned couples” on how to build your marriage focused on the topic we’ll be discussing this week. I’ve gotta say…this is my favorite way to build my marriage – hands down.

    The topic? Dating.

    Wait – what??? Dating is something you do before you’re married. Right?

    Wrong… as evidenced by the many people who mentioned this advice to me.

    This week we’ll be focusing on advice about dating your spouse. Saturday will be our Fun Day as we cover a whole list of dates you can do with your spouse. Whether you’re on a tight budget or have plenty of money to spare, YOU can (and should!) have a date with your spouse.

     

    When asked for one thing that built their marriage, Paul responded:

    “Breakfast dates! … It’s cheap… there’s no clean-up… and it’s a great way to start the day together.”

    ~ Paul & Kim, married 25 years

    So, how about you?

    Got 30 minutes to invest in your marriage? Go spend it on a breakfast date!!

    Can’t wait for the rest of this week! If you have any date ideas, feel free to share them on Saturday. The more, the merrier!

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 16 :: What Really Matters

    Day 16 :: What Really Matters

    A few verses for you to meditate on:

    If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels,
    but have not love,
    I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
    And if I have prophetic powers,
    and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,
    and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,
    but have not love,
    I am nothing.
    If I give away all I have,
    and if I deliver up my body to be burned,
    but have not love,
    I gain nothing.

    1 Corinthians 13:1-3

     

    You may have a lot of things going for you – a great personality, incredible social skills, extreme generosity, awe-inspiring faith, and deep wisdom.

    But if you don’t have love, do you know what you are?

    Nothing.

    Do you have what really matters?

    And, perhaps even more telling…Can your spouse see it?

     

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

    ~.~

    Beautiful Christmas decor & gifts. Preview the 2011 collection!

  • Day 15 :: Compromise Schompromise

    Day 15 :: Compromise Schompromise

    Someone once told me, “Compromise is the dirtiest word in the English language.”

    hmmmm…I thought about that one for a while. I came to the conclusion that it’s not whether you compromise, but in what issue do you compromise?

    So, with that in mind, here’s some advice from Wayne:

    “Marriage takes compromise –
    trying not to have specific his/her chores, duties, responsibilities, expectations, etc.
    We have joked with each other that there are VERY few male/female specific jobs in our family –
    just whoever has the time and energy when something needs to get done – they’re it!”
    ~ from Wayne, married 23 years

     

    We have found this true in our marriage as well. Sure – as a general rule I do the cooking & take care of the house and baby most of the time. But when we first got married and I was working, I remember feeling like a failure because my husband helped me clean the house. During those first few months, he was always telling me “This isn’t only your job. This is our house and you shouldn’t feel badly if I help clean it.”

    Now that I’m able to stay at home with our daughter (and son as soon as he’s born!), I have more time to clean the house. But just like we talked about on Monday, the seasons of life are constantly changing. There are always areas where couples need to give and take. This is especially true when you’re newly married. Maybe your Dad always ___________ (washed the dishes, changed the oil, hung up pictures, etc.) but your husband doesn’t do that. That’s when you need to talk it out and figure it out.

    Source

    Lovingly. 😉

    “Let your speech always be gracious.”
    Colossians 4:6

     

     

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

    ~.~

    Beautiful Christmas decor & gifts. Preview the 2011 collection!

  • Day 14 :: Just Be Friends

    Day 14 :: Just Be Friends

    Source

    Similar to yesterday’s post, Theresa shares one thing that has helped build her marriage of 35 years:

    “We have always tried to bring a level of fun and humor into our marriage.
    We enjoy being friends and that is very helpful in a marriage.
    When raising our two boys we really tried to bring a level of “funness” and laughter to each day –
    even when things were gloomy.
    There is always something to be happy and joyful for… always!
    Life will never be boring that way either. Marriage is a long road, but can be fun when you find humor in the bumps.”

    ~ from Theresa, married 35 years

    Having known this couple personally for several years, I can definitely attest to the fact that they have fun in their marriage! There is nothing quite as refreshing as being around a married couple that’s still knows how to “just be friends!”

    How is your friendship with your spouse?

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 13 :: Friend or Foe?

    Day 13 :: Friend or Foe?

    If you went out in public with your spouse, how would a stranger characterize your relationship?

    Would it be obvious that you are married (and wish you weren’t!)?

    Source

     

    Or would they have a hard time telling whether you were married, dating, or just really in love?

    Source
    “There’s an old proverb that says “Treat your friends like family and your family like friends.”
    I’ve been praying recently that the Lord would help me to be kind to my husband.
    It’s easy to become rude with someone you live with day in and day out.”
    ~Janice, married 32 years

    So, how do you measure up? Friend or Foe?

    “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
    Ephesians 4:32

     

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 12 :: The “D” Word

    Day 12 :: The “D” Word

    Do you have any “off-limits” words in your marriage?

    Check out what these 2 couples shared:

    “During the first few years of our marriage, we had to work through a LOT of misunderstands.
    When you’ve been single for seeming forever, and have always done everything your own way … you will definitely clash trying to live together.
    Whenever things got really upsetting, hubs would say to me, “Remember, divorce is NOT an option!”
    Somehow that always kept me focused on working through the problem instead of running away from it.”

    ~Al & Mary, married 19 years

     

    And from Barbara:

    “One thing we never did was joke about getting a divorce.
    Divorce is a serious issue, and one we did not feel was grounds for even joking about.”

    ~ Barbara, married 34 years

     

    Source
    I think these verses say it best:
    “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
    So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
    Matthew 19:5-6 

    Is there anything you and your spouse won’t joke about? 

     

     

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 11 :: Who Comes First?

     “One thing that helps is to always put your spouse  before yourself.”

    ~ Gertrude, married 50 years

     

    Who comes first in your marriage?

    Is it you – or your spouse?

    I think my natural inclination is to think that I put my husband first. But think about it this way…

    what have you done today to demonstrate that you put your spouse’s needs and desires before your own?

    {ouch}

    You could say it like this:

    “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,
    but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
    Let each of you look not only to his own interests,
    but also to the interests of others. ”
    Philippians 2:3-4

    To be fair, this verse does not apply exclusively to the marriage relationship. It applies to every relationship you have! But apply it to your relationship with your spouse:

    Do you count your husband to be more significant than yourself?

    I hereby issue a challenge for myself (but you can join along if you want):
    Today, I will look for 1 specific thing I can do for my husband that puts him before me. And…biggest deal…I won’t explain why I’m doing it. 🙂

    I don’t know what I will do…maybe it will be giving him the lesser burnt piece of pie. 😉 If you decide to join in the challenge, let me know what you get to do for your spouse!!

    Miss a 31 Days post? Click here to see a list of them all!

  • Day 10 :: Seasons of Life

    Day 10 :: Seasons of Life

    Marriage is not a relationship you can only work on during the “good seasons” of life. This relationship requires work during all seasons. How can you build your marriage during the painful seasons of life?

    “Over the years we have grown and life has brought us seasons of joy,
    sleep deprivation,
    easy living,
    and down right “hold on, stay on your knees praying” really painful times.
    Because of that we have done different things. What we do has changed and adapted to where we are in life.
    Ecclesiastes comes to mind: a time to laugh…a time to cry kind of way.
    So for these moments of our life I would say … we dream of our future together!
    But long term we have done many things:
    from laughing a lot
    to just being willing to give each other time to hurt
    and encouraging each other to heal.”

    ~ Joy, married 19 years ~

     

    I love that last part. Throughout the years, both you and your spouse will have difficult seasons of life. The key?
    “give each other time to hurt & encourage each other to heal”

    “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

    a time to be born, and a time to die;
    a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

    a time to kill, and a time to heal;
    a time to break down, and a time to build up;

    a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
    a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

    a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
    a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

    a time to seek, and a time to lose;
    a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

    a time to tear, and a time to sew;
    a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

    a time to love, and a time to hate;
    a time for war, and a time for peace.”

    Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

     

    What season of life is your spouse in right now?

    If they are in a painful season, are you giving them time to hurt and gently encouraging them to heal?

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