“My Child Will Never Lie to Me.”
written by Gretchen Fant
Have you ever lied? Then you can mark it down: your kids will, too. If you think your child will never lie, you have probably already been hoodwinked. (They’ll tell you about it when they turn 25!)
Children lie just like we do. When recounting an event, have you ever:
- left out a portion of the story?
- added a little extra to influence someone else’s perception of what really happened?
- exaggerated to make yourself appear better than you really are?
- deliberately misled someone to appear innocent or insinuate another’s guilt?
Children have the same struggles with truth-telling that we had as children and maybe still have as adults.
As a younger mom, I even lied one time to try to get my boys not to lie: “If you lie, your tongue will turn black!” I ended up having to ask their forgiveness and admit I have the same tendency as they do to disregard the truth in order to get what I want.
But when you think your child has lied, you need to be very cautious. Sometimes a tale told may seem like a lie, but in fact, is a mixture of imagination and childish perspective. In this context, parents need to exercise much wisdom and grace. One of my sons came home from the first grade convinced that a seagull had picked up and transported one of his friends off of the school playground. He was committed to his story, and even eager that I verify it with his friend’s mother (a somewhat awkward conversation, as you can imagine!) There had been, in fact, a large flock of seagulls on the playground that morning. My son had feared for his friend who was very small and lightweight. But his mother assured me he was fine and “nothing unusual” had happened that day. After confronting my son with the truth, my solution was to engage him in a sober discussion about the seriousness of living in reality and the danger of being deceived by his own senses. A conversation with the same son about 15 years later confirmed that his tale was not a lie, but instead the fruit of an overactive imagination.
Yet more often than not, your child’s tale may just be a plain lie, and as a parent, you cannot ignore it. Perhaps the following suggestions will help.
What Should You Do When Your Child Lies?
BE TRANSPARENT
Always take lying seriously. But don’t give the impression that you are immune to telling a lie. Admit that you have the same temptation at times to forsake the truth, and don’t ever hesitate to ask forgiveness when you do. “If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:10)
ENCOURAGE
Make it clear to your child that you expect truth-telling but come alongside your child as a fellow struggler (as opposed to taking the “if you could only be like me” approach).
WARN
Lying has serious roots. Titus 1:2 tell us that God never lies. But Satan himself is the father of lies; lying is consistent with his character. “You are of your father the devil . . . [he] does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him . . . he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). When you lie, you are acting as if Satan, instead of God, is your father.
Lying also has serious consequences. If you make a habit of lying, then even when you tell the truth, people won’t believe you. A saying we often quoted in our house is, “A liar’s punishment is his truth is not believed.”
Children also need positive instruction. Consider the following thoughts on guiding them to choose the truth over falsehood.
How Can You Encourage Truth-telling?
INSTRUCT
Bible memory is key to learning how to be a truth-teller. Jesus was full of grace and truth (John 1:14) and called himself The Truth (John 14:6). Children need to be taught that God hates lying: lying lips are an abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 12:22). Lying is sin, and our sin is why Jesus had to die a horrible death on the Cross (1 Cor 15:3-4).
Stories are also great for teaching life lessons. The Boy Who Cried Wolf, is perfect. Changing the main character’s name to that of the offending child and the setting to your backyard will make it even more effective.
BE PROACTIVE
Set up a “trust bank.” Each child has one (an imaginary one, of course). Trustworthy actions and truth-telling make deposits; dishonesty makes withdrawals. A fat account earns freedom, but when the bank is in the red, restrictions are certain.
OFFER A NEW BEGINNING
After your child has confessed their sin, let them know that it is gone. After Jesus died for our sin, he rose again. Because of that, we can tell the truth by his grace and power. God has removed it “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). Don’t bring it up again. Assure your child that you have forgiven him, and God has too. Always offer a fresh, new start.
At some time in their life, your child will, indeed, lie to you. But don’t despair! That lie can actually become an opportunity to teach them that there is confident hope for those who will humbly confess sin. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Gretchen Fant is the wife of Dr. Marshall Fant, III, the Director of Church Consulting with Gospel Fellowship Association in Greenville, SC. She has a BA in French from the College of Charleston in Charleston, SC and her Master’s degree in Education from the University of South Carolina in Columbia, SC. Gretchen is a certified counselor with the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (ACBC). She serves in the counseling ministry of University Baptist Church in Clemson, SC and on the board of the Piedmont Women’s Center in Greenville, SC.
The Fants have five children and ten grandchildren.
This post is part of the Lies Moms Believe series.
To read all the posts in this series, click here!