She always looked like a million bucks—coming to church with a perfectly planned outfit and every hair in place. Plus, she even had matching accessories. Not the kinds that are child-friendly either, but real, non-chewable ones. Nevermind the fact that she had several children in tow who always seemed well-dressed and even better behaved.

I, on the other hand?

I always seemed to barely scrape into church on time, then spent the next few minutes hurriedly (and stressfully) dropping each child off at their respective nursery or classroom. Inevitably, I would sit down in my own class and discover a big blob of oatmeal on my skirt or milk stain on my shirt. Of course, I can’t leave out the unforgettable time I sat on the very front row of my husband’s class and proceeded to totally miss my mouth and spill coffee all over the front of my dress.

She had it all together. I did not.

And somewhere around that time, I began to believe a lie: I need to have it all together.

I need to have it all together.

At first glance, this desire can seem harmless. After all, moms who appear to “have it all together” may do a great job caring for their kids and themselves. They could be organized and disciplined while also making time to care for people outside their family.

But could there be other subtle desires lurking beneath this desire to “have it all together?” Namely:

I want other people to think I’m doing a good job. (The best job possible, in fact.)
I don’t want others to think I need help. (I’m good, thanks.)
I want to be perfect and present myself as such. (Model parent status? Check!)

Why is this a lie?

Before I go on, let me clarify something. My goal in writing this post is not to validate the disorganized or shame the organized. My goal is to address our hearts. There’s a difference between a desire to be organized so you can better serve those around you and a desire to be organized so that others think well of you. The first is focused on serving others, while the second is all about serving myself.

I need to have it all together.

At the very core of this lie is the sin of pride. Pride always inflates itself. And it doesn’t mind if others think something that’s not true—as long as the facts are skewed in a direction that makes you look good. When we are proud, we care more about how we appear to people than the people themselves. Sometimes we are so focused on ourselves and what others think of us that we neglect to consider the needs of others. “What will she think of me if I show up looking like this and my kids act like heathens?” Meanwhile, God may want you to just use your life to encourage that other person with a loving word or an act of service rather than trying to impress her. Believing the lie that “I need to have it all together” elevates me and my image above other people and their needs. It is the very opposite of this command:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4).

What is the truth?

So if it’s a lie to think that I need to have it all together, then what is the truth? Here it is:

I don’t have it all together and I never will.

I am not perfect. Only God can claim that status. I am a sinner. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

Another angle of this truth is that nobody has it all together. Even the woman I used to idolize and envy wasn’t perfect. Sure, she was organized and disciplined—some qualities I benefited from when she graciously spent time to teach me skills related to home management. But the more I got to know her, the more I realized she was a person with faults just like me. Imagine that!

 

The very core of this truth is humility.

Humility isn’t worried about what others think because it has a much higher regard for God’s opinion. Humility fears God instead of man and has a realistic view of self. Contrast the thought that “I need to have it all together” with David’s statement: “I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me” (Psalm 40:17). The humble heart does not seek to live for others’ good opinion, but to live in complete honesty before the Lord.

Here is what the humble person knows:

I need help.
I even need to ask for help. (gasp!)
God has designed me to need help from others. He has not made me to live life on my own. I need the church and community he has placed around me.

Instead of seeking to impress others in an effort to make them think “They have it all together!”, let’s exercise humility as we serve and are served by those around us.

 

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Christa Threlfall is a pastor’s wife, mom of four, and author of Come to Jesus: What if God Designs Your Days to Keep You Running Back to Him? She and her family live in Concord, New Hampshire.

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This post is part of the Lies Moms Believe series.
To read all the posts in this series, click here!