“I have to be the best.”
written by Angela Jeffcott

One look online and it seems we are surrounded by perfect people doing perfect things. We see perfectly modeled homes with beautiful natural light and happy children playing in the backyard while a fit, fashionably dressed mom brings homemade popsicles to the back deck.

The problem with the above picture is that none of it is real. And even though we tell ourselves it is staged or a one-time event and not reality, we still struggle with parts of our life that are less than perfect. Part of us believes if we could find one thing that we are perfect at we would be content. Hosting the perfect party, making the perfect cake, taking the best family pictures and on and on we strive to show ourselves and others that we can achieve perfection in something.

But of course, we can never be perfect. And our vain, prideful attempts hurt not only us but our children. 

Before we go on, let me clarify something. Wanting to be the best and trying our best are two different things. I always encourage my kids and push myself to try as hard as I can at something. This is what I remind my kids: when we learn a new skill, we give it time, practice, and we pour in the required effort to the best of our abilities. We may never become proficient, we might discover it’s not as enjoyable as we thought. But we can look back at the effort and know we tried our hardest. There are lessons to learn in the trying and feelings of accomplishment in the effort.

But when we seek to be the best, we might belittle the attempts of others or grow jealous when we don’t meet the full skill level of someone else. We do it for bragging rights, for pats on the back, and recognition. We become known as the mom who does XYZ and we find pride and our identity in it. And that drive to be the best is a life-damaging lie.

From birth we have a sin nature, separating us from God. We can’t be perfect (Romans 3:10-12). Jesus died because of our sin and imperfection. When we strive to be seen as the best—even in something that seems harmless—we are showing a prideful spirit that rebels against God. When we look around and try to achieve perfection in the eyes of others, it is because we are focused on our own greatness and how others perceive us rather than on God and what he has done for us.

Who Deserves the Praise?

This realization hit me after a church pot luck. Because baking is not my forte, I took a very easy, standard dessert: chocolate chip cookies. As I mingled among the people eating, several people asked who had made the delicious chocolate cake and where they could get the recipe. I was mildly hurt that no one was exclaiming over my cookies, even though all of them were eaten. I had been hoping someone would notice my efforts in an area – baking – that I was trying but not too comfortable in. Of course, the example sounds silly now but we can often get so focused on what others think of our efforts that we forget Who really deserves the praise for anything we are able to accomplish. 

God created each of us with a variety of talents but we don’t always know what they are or how we can best use them. Part of developing our abilities and finding ways to serve involves trying new things. Without the effort of learning and practicing, we will never completely know how God can use us. And we should rejoice that we have different talents and things we are good at! 

Children are Watching

Also, we are called to steward what God gives us. Part of being a steward is to attempt to grow in what God gives us and to be faithful to use it (I Corinthians 4:2). When we refuse to try because we are afraid of being less than perfect, we aren’t being good stewards or good examples to our children. I think many parents believe being a good example means our children see us at our best. Because that’s the ‘good’ part. But when our children believe we are perfect and always the best with no struggles or failures, we are denying our need for God’s grace and perhaps giving them a fear of trying and failing also. How often do we tell our children we failed at something or we have sinned? It’s not easy for us to confront ourselves with our children watching but it is vital to their growth and our humility.

A humbling truth hit me once my children were old enough to talk. Children are amazing imitators. They also listen much better than we give them credit. One day, I heard my daughter criticizing herself for not drawing flowers better. She tried a few times then threw her pencil down and said if she couldn’t draw as well as (and named a friend) then she was better off not drawing. After talking with her, I realized she had heard me complaining to my husband about my inability to do something that came so easily to a friend. I wondered if it was worth my effort to try. Unknowingly, my daughter took those words and applied them to something she was trying, declaring she needed to be the best or give up. Oh moms, we have such a power and responsibility to be an example for our children. Don’t let the lie of being best creep in and fill you and run over into your kids.

Our culture is full of people who think they are ‘the best’ at something—athletes, celebrities, musicians, authors, etc. Everyone is eager to do something better than anyone else and get recognized for it. But what a different example we as moms could be if we showed our kids how to try our best for God’s glory and not boast in whatever accomplishments he brings our way (James 4:6).

Angela Jeffcott is a pastor’s wife serving alongside her husband in northern Utah. She makes time to write between homeschooling her children, reading books, and googling craft ideas. She blogs Wednesdays on topics from homeschooling to Christian life to Bible study at her blog.

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This post is part of the Lies Moms Believe series.
To read all the posts in this series, click here!