Completely & Utterly Lost

Last week, I heard this song in church and was struck by these words:

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,
By the power of grace divine;
Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,
And my will be lost in Thine.

The words are beautiful, aren’t they? And when you hear them in song format, it’s easy to let them go in one ear and out the other. But this phrase jumped out and hit me: “My will be lost in thine.”

My will lost in God’s will?
What does that mean?

You lost your keys. Are they in your overstuffed purse? Maybe your child hid them under the couch? Or perhaps you left them in the ignition? (Of course, I’m not speaking from personal experience in any of these stories. Maybe.)

To oversimplify the matter: if something is lost, you can’t find it.

So if my will is lost in God’s will, then it is indistinguishable from His. There’s no difference.
My desire is for God’s desire to be accomplished.
My joy is complete when His glory shines in and through me.

But what does that look like?

Do you know what it looks like when my will is lost in God’s will?
It looks like work.
It looks like sacrifice and pain.
Most of all, it looks like death. Death to what I want and what makes me most comfortable. Life to God’s plans and what brings Him the most glory.

And while the phrase “my will lost in Thine” sounds nice, sometimes it looks like fighting. An internal struggle (that often manifests itself outwardly) where I am forced to decide whose kingdom I am going to build – God’s or mine.

The Best Part

The best part of all this? Although “my will lost in Thine” looks like death, it results in life. Life that is fuller than you could ever plan. Joy that never comes to an end. Perfect peace with zero disturbance.

Sometimes the idea of serving God sounds more romantic when heard in song. I think it’s helpful to think through lyrics in this way because it brings the issue down to where I actually live. I can look back at the past week – okay, fine, the past hour – and see specific decisions in which my will was definitely not lost in God’s will. Where I chose to build my earthly kingdom of selfishness instead of God’s kingdom of perfection. And I can also look at the past week and see God’s evident grace as I fought hard for my own way, but finally surrendered to His. All glory to God for spiritual victories.

I trust this season of your life will be full of moments where your will is indistinguishable from God’s will.
Where your will is completely and utterly lost in His.

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a new phase [general life update]

We have successfully moved from Charlotte, NC to Richmond, VA. Successful = nobody died in the process. (Although we did forget to pack one entire drawer in our kitchen which housed our silverware. Whoops. We’re eating with our hands these days. Nothing out of the ordinary there.)

There are a million thoughts going through my brain these days, so I’m going to just start with a general life update … which is basically code language for anything I want to tell you that is maybe too small for one blog post.

HOME

For the past several weeks, I have entertained a new home decor style with a major emphasis on boxes. With a side of packing tape. As of this past Monday, the “box motif” has been evicted from my home. (Except for several that are filled with books. Which shall not be evicted until shelves have been installed.) 

Here are some picture moments from this past week:

for more pictures, see my instagram here.

After we unloaded all the boxes, I made it my goal to unpack ASAP. Sure, it meant working like a crazy woman for several days – and I may or may not (emphasis on the may not) have taken a shower every single day – but guess what? We’re moved in now and back into the swing of homeschooling. Hal.le.lu.jah.

Sometimes I knock routine. I think it’s boring and predictable, so I want something new and exciting! But hear, hear: there’s something absolutely delicious about routine when you haven’t had it for a while. I’m smack in that delicious feeling right now and not looking forward to getting out of it anytime soon.

NEW CITY

So no, Richmond isn’t technically a new city to me since my family moved here when I was in 5th grade. But a lot has changed in the past 12 years. Like the fact that I have 4 kids now. In Charlotte, some of our favorite things were the libraries and greenways/parks around the city. We also had some used bookstore and thrift store haunts we liked to hit up every once in a while. I’ve already located and shopped at my nearest Aldi, so there’s a big point in Richmond’s favor. Next stop: library.

FAMILY

A major perk of our new location is being close to family. I already mentioned this, but it’s definitely worth mentioning again. I’m so thankful to be near my parents as well as my sister and her family. I love that my kids can play with their cousins and that we live close enough to just drop in. Unannounced.
For dinner.

Okay, maybe not. But the point is that we live close enough to do that! And they live close enough to do that to us! Hooray! Since we’re planning to be here until Jonathan finishes his PhD (approximately 2 more years), I want to soak up this time with family even more than usual – knowing that this is potentially the closest we’ll ever live to each other.

EMOTIONS

Pretty much all the emotions have been covered over the past few weeks, with a spike in intensity riiiiight around the days we moved. Go figure. One of my prayers throughout this moving experience has been that God would help me to stay grounded. My theme verse for January was Isaiah 26:3 –

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

I’m so thankful for how God has answered that prayer. Moving from a place and people you love is emotional. Not only emotional, but just plain tough. There’s no antidote for that. But there is God’s grace, which is far better than any antidote you could find. This grace has the ability to lift my eyes up from temporal circumstances to God’s unchanging Word and character. There is absolutely nothing more grounding than that.

 

ONWARD

We are so thankful to be right where God wants us to be. There’s rest in that, isn’t there? It’s been such a great teaching tool to remind our kids that God led us here. Here’s to settling in and writing a new chapter.

Oh, and to all our Richmond/Charlotte friends? Our home’s ready for ya. #fistbump

Unplanned Teaching Moments

Last week, a friend told Jonathan and I about a conversation he had with Nate, our 5 year old:

“So Nate, what do you think about moving to Virginia?”

“It’s good . . . and it’s sad.
But it’s what God wants us to do.”

Hearing of this conversation reminded me just how important it is to continue speaking truth to our children – not just in the formal times of planned conversation, but especially during those unplanned moments. Like the time they come into the kitchen and see me crying. That’s exactly the time I need to remind them why we’re moving. It’s because this is God’s next step for our family. We remind them that taking the next step is often difficult and hard. But we’re doing it because we want to obey God. It’s funny how this whole “reminding your children” thing goes…often I find that I learn more when I’m talking it through with them than I do just by thinking through things on my own.

That’s the great thing about shepherding children through changes. It makes you talk about why you’re doing what you’re doing. Then you actually live with your little students and they get to observe firsthand whether Mommy and Daddy really believe what they say you believe. Yikes.

Of course, we always mess up, don’t we? We sin, make mistakes, and often say things that are either partially or completely wrong. Then God gives us the opportunity to teach them about grace. We’re not perfect. Nobody is. That’s exactly why we need Jesus.

Our family is right in middle of the “good & sad” part of moving right now. With just under 4 days left in Charlotte, everything seems extra intense from the physical side of packing up our home (& a few sick kids thrown in the mix!) to the emotional side of all the “lasts.” Spiritually, we rest in the fact that amidst the good, hard, happy and sad, we are at peace knowing that this is God’s next step for our family. We’re not moving because one step is better than the next, but because our Good Shepherd is leading us to this next step. There is immeasurable comfort resting in the arms of Jesus, isn’t there?


If you are looking for ways to make Jesus & the Gospel a part of the daily conversation with your kids,
I greatly benefited from reading Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally about God with your Children.
You can find my personal review + quotes here.

Our Big Change

My family has a big change taking place in 2017.

In order to make this as undramatic as possible, I’ll just come out and say it: we’re moving.

Long story short: my husband, Jonathan is going to be an assistant pastor at my Dad’s church in Virginia.

Short story long:

well, how long do you want?

The semi-novel-length version is this:

My husband has been working on his PhD for a couple years. Most of you already know this story. Our tentative plan has been for him to finish his degree and then pursue a senior pastorate position. But a while ago as we were praying and talking through our next steps, we started talking about what a great experience it would be to learn from another ministry before setting out in a senior leadership position. The idea seemed a bit far-fetched, though, as we were only looking to be at a ministry short-term (2ish years) – and we couldn’t imagine that a ministry would be interested in an assistant pastor for that length of time.

Enter God.

I mean, He’s always in the picture, of course. But sometimes we see Him in a clearer way, especially when He blows our idea of what could never happen out of the water.

Soon after Karis was born, my Dad contacted Jonathan and asked if he would consider serving as his assistant pastor for a couple years until our PhD journey is complete.

Enter many hours of prayer, thinking, talking, and advice-seeking. Through this time, we were conscious that this was the exact type of opportunity that we had talked and prayed about a year earlier. After many conversations with God and each other, a skype “interview/getting-to-know-us-session” with the church in Virginia, and a unanimous church vote, we knew this was God’s next step for our family.

I am not exaggerating even the tiniest bit when I say that I felt incredibly sick to my stomach the night Jonathan told our dear church family here in Charlotte that we would be moving to Virginia. Oh, the many precious relationships God has given us here! Although we don’t have any actual family nearby, God has so knit our hearts with the hearts of our church family that the idea of breaking those day to day relationships is just plain old painful.

But through it all, God is kind, isn’t He? And He shows His kindnesses through daily feeding of His Word, hundreds of blessings throughout the day, and love from those around us.

Our family is in transition now. Our home has been invaded by a gazillion and two boxes. My kids are excited to live near family (my parents and oldest sister’s family live in Virginia), but also speak tearfully of leaving sweet friends here in Charlotte. And while my Mama heart aches to think of their sadness, I can’t help thinking how much this is preparing them (not to mention their parents) to live a life of obedience and faith. Faith doesn’t make decisions based on the ins and outs of every future detail because faith isn’t living by what you can see.

Faith-filled decisions are concerned with one thing: Am I obeying God? If the answer is yes, then your decision has been made. Nothing else matters compared to pleasing and obeying God. So cling to the One Who has put these changes in your life. In every change, He faithful will remain.

 


Because of our current stage, I am developing a new hobby called packing. Therefore, my writing time has been even more scarce than I imagined when I wrote this post stating I would not be blogging regularly. But considering writing is cheaper than therapy and oh so much easier to come by, I have great goals of continuing with more frequency. At least more frequent than once a month. Which means that even if I only write 2 posts this month, I’ve just doubled my frequency. Way to make high goals, Christa. #fistbump
I still haven’t shown you the seating for our table, so there’s that. I’ll see what I can do.

Thank you, friends, for following along on our journey.
I’m thankful that the internet world isn’t limited by things like location, aren’t you?